Have you ever waved back at someone who was not waving at you? or, walked around with something stuck between your teeth during a day in which, for some reason, you smiled more than usual? Maybe you've confidently yelled out an answer in class, only to find out you are wrong.

Embarrassment is one of the most awful feelings. It all comes to be a domino effect; let's take a look back in time to a point in the late 2000s, to the first *of many* of Didi's public embarrassments. It was a day like any other, the sky was cloudy and the pavement still wet from the rain, as for me I was looking out the window, eagerly waiting to finally be allowed out for recess. During this time of the year, in our PE class, we spent a couple months learning ballroom dancing, and had a competition towards the end of the school year. I was eager to show my friends how much I had improved; the bell rang and I rushed out. As usual we met at the top soccer field, where our class (3A) and the class next door (3B) got together during recess time. I looked at one of my friends and began talking about my dance skills, so we decided to start dancing. During the first 30 seconds everything went well, turns, steps, synch...then all of a sudden my partner fails to catch me as I lay back. I fell flat on the wet pavement of the soccer field, my skirt so far up I was completely exposed, my face turned red and my palms started to sweet... I couldn't move. I stayed on the floor for a little while I covered my eyes, hoping that people would just ignore it... that did NOT happen. My friends helped me up, but the more people laughed the more I wish the earth would swallow me; I got as red as a lobster and I couldn't stop laughing *it's better than crying*. What felt like the whole world, was able to take a peak under my skirt, I thought my life was over and for the next couple of months there was not a single person that didn't bring it up.

PS. I did not win the dancing competition, but I did earn a purple bruise on my butt.

At some point or another, as we grow up, our innocence fades away and nasty feelings begin to creep in; a feeling that hit me hard? Shame.
While I was growing up in Spain everyone knew me by my birth name, and truthfully I never really put much thought into it, until I moved to the United States. From one moment to the next I was forced to repeat my name several times before people understood, I heard several mispronunciations, I was laughed at, and I didn't care... not enough to hurt... yet.

Have you ever felt like someone's sole purpose at a specific instant is to break you? Although it has occurred to me several times, at some point in September of 2012... it actually worked. I remember Freshman Didi walking down those white and green colored hallways, I had been instructed to deliver a note to a teacher downstairs, but little did I know that would change who I was forever. I knocked on the door and walked into the classroom, I advised the teacher of the message as I was instructed and began to walk back to class, but before I made it to the door he yelled at me to stop; the teacher forced me to stand in front of the classroom and intended to use me in order to have his class crack a couple laughs. He made me recite poetry, repeat myself several times and answer questions, one of those questions? My name. This sad excuse of a man had the nerve to say "your parents must hate you! This is incredible, what kind of name is that?" as him and the class erupted in laughter. With time I might forget his answer, his face, the eyes of a class of High School Juniors staring and laughing at me, but I will NEVER forget the way he made me feel.

Throughout High School, I tried very hard to have people call me "Didi" instead, but unfortunately the nick name did not catch on until College #TookALifetime.
Now very few people know my name, and honestly when they call me by it I still feel like it is only to make fun of me, which is why I only allow family to use it.
Will I ever go by my birth name again? I don't think so, but as for the teacher that made me feel ashamed of my own name... he has now been arrested, who is funny now?